


Hush | Banginho AU

by stayareamess



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Binnie Binnie Changbinnie, Chan is sleep deprived, M/M, Minho is magical, dont trust han, we dont stan woojail, yang to my jeongin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayareamess/pseuds/stayareamess
Summary: !!! ONGOING !!!Sometimes, trauma is too much for us... and we lose our voice... but how long are we confined to this silence?-Banginho AU-in which Minho suffers from past trauma... and Bangchan tries to show Minho the world isn't such a scary place, so long as you have someone by your side.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Warnings

hey hey hey~  
so I'm back at it with another Minchan fic YAYYYYY  
Banginho shippers beware

this story includes

-trauma

-abuse

-child neglect

-anxiety attacks

-sexual assault

-and many other things of a triggering nature. 

be safe when reading loves


	2. Silent Stride

______________________________________

「If only I didn’t fear the darkness」

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Everything starts with submission, it’s how my world ran. You submit to survive, there was no other way.

Submission comes in two ways, often playing in tandem, obedience, and silence. In order to stay safe, I was to remain seen, but unheard… if I was heard… I received punishment.

Punishment was anywhere between no dinner for a week, to being beaten until I could no longer stand.

Even now, far away from the cause of my trauma… my voice remained stolen, forgive the gift of music, the only thing that I ever  _ dared  _ to exercise my vocal chords on any given day.

I was in my room, singing along quietly to the melody that eased from my phone. The soft ensemble from the instrumental of  _ Goodbye  _ by 2NE1 rang throughout my room, calming me during the dark hours of the night.

It was well past three in the morning as  _ Insomnia  _ by The Rose moved swiftly through my room, bringing tears to my eyes as I thought back on the restless nights I endured as a child. 

It often seemed like my demons wanted to torture me and me alone, everyone else seemed to live happy lives but I was scared into submission even though I was far away from the source. 

Is this what it was like to endure alone, scared in the dark of the demons that haunt your nightmares? Constantly fighting sleep in favor of a few moments of false safety? 

Is this what my life has come to? 

I don't know… 

I didn't think I'd ever know… 

I stayed awake through the sunrise, the orange hues filtering into my room through the curtains… it was morning… 

I picked myself up from my bed, heading for the shower. 

I learned against the shower wall for a moment, contemplating the reasons I was still alive… or if I really even  _ was  _ alive. Can you call this a life? Getting out of bed, going through your day silently, before coming back home to hopefully cry yourself to sleep only to start again the next day? Just going through the motions? 

I don't know… 

I finished washing up before leaving the bathroom, running a comb through my wet hair I stopped in front of my closet. 

Black, red, gray, blue, and white colors looked back at me as I sighed in discontent… I'd this the life I've always wanted? 

Am I destined to stay emotionless until the dams break by the fall of night? 

Maybe so… this wasn't a fairy tale, this wasn't a story… this was my life, a constant burden upon humanity… 

To ease that burden I remained silent. I remained in a hushed little world. I never spoke… I only sang. This was my life… 

The life… of Lee Minho. 


	3. Silent Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw // abelism

_________________________________________

**「If only the quiet didn’t rule my life」**

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Who am I anymore? I don’t understand this constant pain and torment I must suffer through in order to live in this society… no one understands me right now, in this moment as I sit silently with my therapist.

She always told me the same thing, that he wasn’t here and he couldn’t hurt me anymore, and of course I knew this, but that didn’t make the fear I had any less valid, didn’t make my emotional and mental scars less painful. What even was the point of telling me it was all going to be okay when I knew damn well at the fall of night I’d be crying my tears again?

I saw none, it was a sad attempt to instill a false sense of security. I didn’t fall for those tricks anymore, it wasn’t worth the pain and sorrow that ensued after the daylight would fade.

“Minho-ssi? Are you listening to me?”

I blinked at her slowly before shaking my head.

“I was asking if you were having anymore night terrors,”

I shook my head, can’t have night terrors if I don’t sleep.

“This is progress Min!”

I shot her a glare, moving my hands sharply.

_Don’t call me Min!_

She nodded softly,” What can I call you if not Min?”

_Minho, and only Minho._

She smiled,” Of course Minho-ssi,”

I groaned internally, signing once more.

_The only reason my night terrors have stopped is because I’ve stopped sleeping, and when I do sleep, I’m too exhausted to dream of anything._

“That’s self destructive-”

_I know, that’s the point._

“Why would you do this to yourself?”

_If I can’t control the toxins of my past, let this be the one poison I can._

“It’s not healthy-”

 _Are you my therapist or my mother!?!?_ I signed angrily, huffing.

“Minho you need to calm down-”

_You’ve been my fucking therapist for three years and I’m no better than before!!! I’m the opposite!!! I hate myself more than ever!!! If all you’re going to do is point out what I’m doing wrong I’m done here!!! Have a GREAT fucking day!!!_

I stood up with an icy glare, anger boiling in the pit of my stomach.

How dare she only tell me I’m doing wrong. I already know that… she’s supposed to help me find better coping mechanisms and all she’s done the past three years is belittle and degrade me.

I stormed down the street, going to the small cafe, not too far away. I always went there after the little sessions I was forced to take by my best friend Jisung. I was getting pretty tired of lying to him and saying the sessions were going well, but I just didn’t want Hannie to worry over me… it would be better if I was gone anyway.

I stepped into the cafe and waited in line, the cafe was owned by Jisung’s boyfriend Seungmin, thus because I came here so often, the cashiers had to know sign language for my sake. I had told Seungmin not to do so but the younger can be rather stubborn when he’s made up his mind…

So you can imagine the shock when I saw a black haired individual at the register, a smile painted on his face, letting out a cheery hello to which I only waved in response.

I began signing to him my order. 

_One iced americano with nine sugars and a slice of cherry pie._

The male winced,” A little bit slower please? Your emotions are causing your hands to shake a bit sir,”

I smiled as an apology and moved my hands at a normal pace only to be shoved into the counter from behind.

“Can’t you fucking order like a normal person?” was the response I received when I turned around.

I hung my head in embarrassment.

The cashier glared at the male in front of me,” Leave,”

“Excuse me?”

“Did I _hesitate?_ I said leave,”

“You’re going to toss out business?”

“I’m tossing out an ableist,” he scoffed.

“I DEMAND TO SEE A MANAGER!!!” 

The cashier smirked before calling Seungmin,” SEUNG!!!”

I heard a loud curse from the back causing me to giggle as Seungmin made his way to the front,” What do you _want_ Chan hyung!?!?”

“That man needs you,”

Seungmin plastered a smile on his face before turning to me and the man, his eye twitching when he caught onto the issue,” Can I help you sir?”

“Your dumbass employee is trying to kick me out for telling this mute shithead-”

“That ‘mute shithead’ is my friend,” Jisung yelled, coming from the breakroom.

“Babe, let him finish,”

“ _Thank_ you, as I was saying your employee was _trying_ to throw out perfectly good business,”

Jisung laughed,” I’m sorry, we don’t serve ableists here,”

“I’M NOT AN ABLEIST!!!”

“The way you’re treating Minho says otherwise. It’s not his fault he’s mute, and you have no business treating it as so,” Seungmin remarked, looking the male up and down.

I shook my head, tapping Jisung’s shoulder.

_I’ll just leave, you don’t need to compromise his company for me JiJi._

“No Minho, you’re staying. You have every right to be here and you know it!!!”

 _If I can’t function in society like a normal person I shouldn’t be alive._ I signed sadly, my eyes growing teary.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was the cashier, Chan, he pulled me away from the argument Seungmin and the man was having, taking me to the back, settling the americano and pie in front of me in the break room,” Sit here, no one will be staring at you now,” he gave me a dimpled smile.

_Thank you._

“Anytime, just enjoy the treat, it’s on me okay?”

I nodded with a giggle, _thank you so much._

He just laughed sweetly,” Don’t mention it,” and then he quickly left to continue his job, calling the police as he left the room.

I liked this “Channie hyung” of Seungmin’s… very few cared how others treated me for being mute, but Chan took it upon himself to make me feel welcomed… no one besides Seung and Ji has done that for me before… I… liked it… I didn’t want moments like these to fade away… and hopefully they never will.

Then again… luck has never been on my side.

But maybe this time… I’ll find a reason to stay.


	4. Silent Hope

Everything hurts.

From my busted lip to tortured thighs... everything hurt. I adjusted my hoodie as I left the scene of the event… something I’d rather forget.

Some think that if I was hurt enough… I’d plead for things to stop… they thought they’d get some sort of reward for making me talk… granted my aunt and uncle did offer one, seeing they were the only ones of my family whoa were worried about my lack of speech… however… some things are better left unspoken.

I don’t think they’ve ever really understood just how important silence was in my daily life. Silence was a means of survival… not a choice, for years I was forced into silence and submission… I saw no other way out but to obey.

  
  
So even now, when I am allowed to speak freely… I remain silent.

  
  
I made my way home, limping, blood running down between my legs.

  
  
I didn't even let out a whimper.

  
Silence.

  
  
My legs were shaking with the strain… my head felt dizzy and my vision blurry. I let out a shaky breath as I continued on.

It was a long way until I could reach home… but I'd manage.

  
  
I heard laughter in the distance… hell even I'd laugh at my pathetic existence.

  
  
My left knee gave out, causing me to fall.

  
  
A slight yelp escaped my lips before I froze.

  
  
I wasn't silent.

  
  
I complained.

  
  
I protested an act given to me.

  
  
Sir would know…

_ -Sir is going to kill you Minho. _

  
I began to shake, crying silently.

_ -Sir is going to be mad. _ _   
_ _   
_

_ -Sir will punish Lino. _

_   
_ _ -Lino is sorry Sir… it won't happen again. _

A hand touched my shoulder and I flinched before bowing my head in submission, readying for my punishment.

  
“Minho?” a familiar voice asked.

  
  
I looked up through teary doe eyes, my bottom lip trembling.   


  
“Minho… what  _ happened  _ to you?”

  
  
I raised my hands slowly, signing.

  
  
_ Are you here to take care of me for Sir? _

_   
_ _   
_ “What are you talking about?”

  
  
_ Lino did a bad… Sir will punish Lino soon. _

_   
_ _   
_ “Min, he won't hurt you, I promise,”

_ Lies. _

_   
_ _   
_ “Hyung, look at me and Seungmin,”

I looked up at Jisung, blinking slowly as he held my face in his hands.

  
  
“Are you listening hyung?”

I nodded.

  
  
“Sir is dead, do you remember that night hyung?”

I was quiet for a moment, wracking my brain for memories… I shook my head no.

  
  
Seungmin smiled sadly,” You and him we're surrounded Min, the police we're outside and Sir knew he had no means of escape… Min… he committed suicide right in front of you hyung,”

_ Sir is… dead? _

“Yes Min… he can’t hurt you anymore,”

I nodded slowly… the panic slowly leaving my shaking frame.

"Hyung?"

I remained silent, never saying a word, just as I had for years. I stared straight ahead, into the abyss of nothingness. 

"Minho hyung?"

I stood up slowly with difficulty, and stumbled along the road, attempting to go home once again. 

I didn't deserve such kindness. 

I would only waste their time. 

"LEE MINHO STOP WALKING AWAY!!!"

I froze, slowly turning to meet their gaze. 

I raided my hands, signing quickly. 

_ Go home Seungmin… I'll be fine.  _

"You're obviously  _ not  _ fine,"

_ But I will be.  _

That was a lie, everything hurt, my eyes could barely stay open, I swayed with each shaky step. 

But I didn't deserve kindness. 

I was a wretch, lowlife scum. 

No one could ever love me, so I took the malice handed to me for years, passed on from one master to the next, used for pleasure alone. 

I was a mess, and I was broken. 

If only I had died that night nothing would be this way… 

If only… 


End file.
